Why do I dream about him?

I want to cry. Anytime I feel at the absolute lowest... I mean, incredibly suicidal... I well, I have a dream with this boy in it. Have been having them for over a year... In most of the dreams, we don't even do anything, except maybe hug or possibly kiss. Even just two days ago, I had this dream where we were just sitting side by side. It was in some sort of computer class. Our hands were very close, but we didn't feel the need to hold hands or anything. Just being next to each other made us (or at least me) feel whole. The blood was rushing through my body. I got so incredibly warm. It is the best feeling I have ever felt in my life. It's not a sexual feeling or anything like that. It's more of an emotional feeling, which is incredibly overwhelming. I really don't know how to explain it. Just, once I wake up, I feel as if I have left home. Even though I am home, I haven't felt more alone. It's like, I miss him so much. Yet, just thinking about him gives me comfort. It's like these dreams are my medicine! Now, I don't fully understand why I have these dreams, but it seems as if I have them so I will continue living. It's as if these dreams take me away from my reality, taking me away from all the pain... Yet, at the same time, it feels like gravity is bringing me down, but to a different world. Do you know what I mean? Again, it's hard to explain, but yeah. This is a boy who I used to go to school with. I remember I used to have a crush on him, but it's not like I loved him. Of course I didn't... I knew that I didn't. Crushes are crushes for a reason. These dreams just don't make sense to me, though. I think the person in my dreams is just my imagination, even though it uses this boy's image. I am just so confused. I have seriously been searching for the answer for a long time now... like I said, a year or so. I've never been able to find the answer, though. Obviously, it's sending me a message. It has to be one that I have yet to understand, because if I understood it, wouldn't the dreams stop? Please help me dissect what's going on? What's the message that I need to take in?